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Everyone craves contentment and it is something that we long for our children to have as well. As parents, we try to do everything in our power to make sure our children have not only the things that they need but also the things that they want. But if we are honest with ourselves, we would realize that contentment is not dependent upon outward circumstances and “things”. Contentment is something that is learned.
Notice what the apostle Paul said in Philippians 4:11-13, “Not that I speak in regard to need, for I have learned in whatever state I am, to be content: I know how to be abased and how to abound. Everywhere and in all things I have learned both to be full and to be hungry, both to abound and to suffer need. I can do all things through Christ who strengthens me.” I’m not advocating starving our children so that they will learn to be content with the food they get, but I do want to stress the fact that in order to have grateful children, we must have contented children.
So, how do we teach our kids to be content? Let’s look at three ways for starters:
- Proper Perspective – Our kids need to be taught the reality that we in America tend to be richer than about 80% of the rest of the world. To live in a home with electricity, running water, food tucked away in a pantry, and more than two changes of clothes in our closets means we are rich. Show your kids pictures and real life stories of how many other people, including Christians, live in other parts of the world such as Honduras, Panama, Peru, Kenya, Nigeria, Iraq, India, etc. If possible, sit your family down with a missionary to another country and let him/her explain what daily life is like for children just like them. Take a trip with your kids to serve at a homeless shelter, a soup kitchen, an inner city ministry, or a mission trip, and let them see first hand what some people live without every single day. Stress to your children how very blessed they are for everything God gives them and include some of these things we take for granted in your daily prayers. We are blessed with so much more than we really need. A good family memory verse is found in I Timothy 6:6-8, “Now godliness with contentment is great gain. For we brought nothing into this world, and it is certain we can carry nothing out. And having food and clothing, with these we shall be content.” Help your children gain the proper perspective of how blessed they really are and how much God is to be praised for that fact.
- Delayed Gratification – Our current culture seems to thrive on the concept of instant gratification and it affects children as well as adults. We see something we want and we get it. Usually, it doesn’t take many weeks or months to become disillusioned with it and it gets replaced quickly with something else. Contentment requires learning to be okay with waiting for something. It actually increases appreciation for the item when we have to wait for it or, better yet, when we have to work for it and pay for it ourselves. Teach your children the story of Jacob working 7 years for Rachel (Genesis 29). Your kids may not like the thought of working 7 years for anything because it seems like an eternity to wait, but in Genesis 29:20, we read, “So Jacob served seven years for Rachel, and they seemed but a few days to him because of the love he had for her.” Ask your children if they think Jacob deeply loved and appreciated Rachel. How do they know? Because he was willing to work for her and wait for her. She was worth the wait. Delaying gratification for our kids teaches them to appreciate things so much more and to spend time productively and contentedly working while they wait.
- Deprivation – If you winced at delayed gratification, you may be tempted to howl at the dreaded word “deprivation.” But let me assure you, your kids can be deprived of some things and they will be okay! Trust me! Sometimes, we just need to tell our kids, “No.” Let’s face it, we can’t always have everything we want, and it wouldn’t be good for us if we did. Think about it, does God ever tell us “No”? Why does He do that? Because He knows what we need and what we don’t need. He knows what is best for us. There are some things that our kids want badly that we know would not be good for them. Case in point, one of my kids loves the Little Debbie Christmas tree cakes and would gladly skip meals to consume a box of said treats instead. Do I allow that? Or do I say “No”? On a broader scale, there have been occasions when family finances were tight and we had to tell our children that we couldn’t afford to eat out or spend extra money on entertainment for awhile. The key to teaching contentment in these circumstances is not to look at it as if you’re deprived. Use it as an opportunity to focus on the blessings you do have and can be grateful for. We didn’t lament and moan that we couldn’t go out to eat or go to the movies for awhile; instead, we thought of other things we could do such as having a picnic in the park, having a weiner/marshmallow roast in the back yard, or a rip-roaring family game night. The children learned to be content and enjoy these things without feeling deprived in any way, and it greatly increased their appreciation of doing “special things”. Don’t be afraid to say “No”. Doing so may actually do your children a huge favor.
Raising grateful children definitely requires teaching children to be content. Contentment is learned through having a proper perspective of our blessings, delaying gratification, and sometimes being told “No.” These things are not always easy, and teaching them to our children will take time and a lot of effort. But what a blessing to see the fruits of that labor when your children grow to be truly contented people and are able “in everything to give thanks…” (I Thessalonians 5:18) God bless you, mamas and papas, as you strive to raise grateful children!